On March 19. 2011, my beautiful babies were born. Lincoln Henri and Annaleise Sunshine passed shortly after their birth as they were born shy of 20 weeks of gestation. In their short time on this earth, they filled their father and I with so much love. They were perfect in every way..ears, nose, lips, fingers, and toes. In the short time we had with them we held them and gave them a lifetime filled with love, our hopes and dreams for them, and life lessons we felt needed to be shared. We asked them to watch out for and take care of each other, to watch over us and help us through this grief, and to please bless us with children we would some day be able to take home. We said goodbye on March 29 with a lovely ceremony filled with so many people who love us and who loved our children whom they never had the chance to meet. their urn sits in the curio cabinet, a reminder of all I've lost. I am living a nightmare that no one should have to ever experience. I lost my children and now I'm left to grieve, a parent without children to hold. I feel empty and sad. Why me, why my family. Why did I have to go though all i went through to get these babies only to have them taken away? Questions that will never be answered... there are no answers.
Without my husband I wouldn't be able to live through this. He is my rock; my reason for being. Grief rips you apart and it is always nice to have someone to try and keep you together or to put the pieces of you back as they fall off.
Currently I am vacillating through the beginning stages of Grief at a rapid pace back and forth. I feel sadness and anger mostly, but I find myself bargaining with God (although I know nothing will change what has happened). Rationality is out the window, I teeter on craziness. Waves of crying hit me without notice and anger needs no provocation.
Thank you everyone for the love and support, it has been much appreciated. In times like these, we are reminded of all we do have and of those who love us. It has been overwhelming.
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