I am on day 6 of lupron for my IVF suppression phase. So far Ive been feeling really well, yes I have had side effects but they haven't really bothered me that much. I'm willing to do what it takes to get this accomplished, so if that means a little uncomfort I will gladly take it. Side effects so far are flushing, hot flashes, an overall achyness feeling (similar to the flu but less severe), nauseousness, massive thirst, headaches (very mild), and constipation. YAY! Exciting I know!
I am still waiting on the rest of my protocol. I will update when I know more.
I finally got around to watching The Lovely Bones today... cried, cried, cried. I don't know if it is the medication or the fact I am suppose to get my period tomorrow, but damn that movie got to me.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Day 1 of suppression meds
You read that right, I started Lupron today.....for my IVF cycle.
I kept my appointment yesterday with Woman and Infants reproductive medicine not really expecting anything to change, but I needed to go to ease my mind that I did all that was possible before my insurance ran out. I also needed to hear from another doctor for a second opinion about weight and IVF.
I was nervous as hell at first but once I sat down with the doctor it became glaringly clear that she was going to do this. She was going to give me my chance at IVF. The weight does reduce my success rate by a smidgen, but we are losing insurance for infertility procedures so she thought why not give it a try. There is no extra risk with the IVF procedures due to weight other than the fears the anesthesiologist has about airway obstructions and sedation. I meet with the anesthesiologist on November 10th to make a plan for the safest and most effective sedation method (which I am told may include a spinal) and to just talk with them.
This is happening much faster than I expected, but the day I made the appointment was the cycle day that they usually start suppression for their IVF cycle protocol. I don't have the rest of my protocol yet, as they need to tweak it, type it up, and send it to me. They just wanted me to start ASAP because of our restricted timeline. I will update when I have a more clear picture of what our expected dates for stimulation, retrieval, and transfer are.
I am extremely ecstatic this is happening and beyond blown away by W&I and their willingness to give me a chance.
Thank you to all that sent me thoughts and prayers, I believe they helped.
I kept my appointment yesterday with Woman and Infants reproductive medicine not really expecting anything to change, but I needed to go to ease my mind that I did all that was possible before my insurance ran out. I also needed to hear from another doctor for a second opinion about weight and IVF.
I was nervous as hell at first but once I sat down with the doctor it became glaringly clear that she was going to do this. She was going to give me my chance at IVF. The weight does reduce my success rate by a smidgen, but we are losing insurance for infertility procedures so she thought why not give it a try. There is no extra risk with the IVF procedures due to weight other than the fears the anesthesiologist has about airway obstructions and sedation. I meet with the anesthesiologist on November 10th to make a plan for the safest and most effective sedation method (which I am told may include a spinal) and to just talk with them.
This is happening much faster than I expected, but the day I made the appointment was the cycle day that they usually start suppression for their IVF cycle protocol. I don't have the rest of my protocol yet, as they need to tweak it, type it up, and send it to me. They just wanted me to start ASAP because of our restricted timeline. I will update when I have a more clear picture of what our expected dates for stimulation, retrieval, and transfer are.
I am extremely ecstatic this is happening and beyond blown away by W&I and their willingness to give me a chance.
Thank you to all that sent me thoughts and prayers, I believe they helped.
Monday, October 18, 2010
I hate insurance company business
Well, my husband and I found out that as of January 1st, our infertility coverage goes from 25K to 10K. In Infertility speak, that comes out to us losing 1 IVF cycle and a FET cycle, 1 IVF cycle and 3 IUI cycles, or about 6 and a half IUI cycles. Yeah we are being screwed thoroughly by the health care reform bill. Apparently in order to conform with the new laws, the company needs to reduce other benefits. In our case, my husbands insurance carrier is choosing to slash the Infertility lifetime max in more than half. I guess we can consider ourselves "lucky", the insurance company let us know of our luck that we live in a state that requires some sort of Infertility coverage because they could have taken it away altogether. Yay, I held back from thanking them for their kindness. I hate big business. Right now, we have used half of that. We have enough money for 2 IUI cycles...... Heartbroken. We are hoping that we can sneak in an IVF before the deadline. In that case, as of January 1st I would have reached my maximum and all procedures will be out of pocket. I feel as though I am fighting a never ending battle where I'm screwed if I do and I am screwed if I don't.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The IF devil
When dealing with infertility, some days are better than others. Today was kind of sucktastic, well at least in my own mind. I realized today that I am not doing as well as I though I was. I contribute bad days to something I call the Infertility devil
He sneaks up on me when I least expect him and whispers soft thoughts of dispair and hopelessness. I know he is my own devil and speaks words from my own fears, but it doesn't make it any better or more tolerable.
Today I felt like a failure. A failure of womanhood and never to be motherhood. Some days I feel helpless, hopeless, and questioning what I did wrong. I believe in Karma, doing good, and being a good person. I am not perfect, nor is anyone else. I try my hardest to be a kind, caring, and honest person. When Ive done something on the questionable side, its usually accidentally or a big misunderstanding. I admit that rarely I have been straight out mean at times, but its usually because I act first and think later...who isn't guilty of this.
I ask myself time and time again, screaming......WHY CANT I HAVE A BABY!!!!!!!! Why am I being punished? What can I do to fix whatever I am being punished for? I never get an answer and I never get a baby.
What did I do wrong?
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| objects in blog can look more adorable than in reality |
Today I felt like a failure. A failure of womanhood and never to be motherhood. Some days I feel helpless, hopeless, and questioning what I did wrong. I believe in Karma, doing good, and being a good person. I am not perfect, nor is anyone else. I try my hardest to be a kind, caring, and honest person. When Ive done something on the questionable side, its usually accidentally or a big misunderstanding. I admit that rarely I have been straight out mean at times, but its usually because I act first and think later...who isn't guilty of this.
I ask myself time and time again, screaming......WHY CANT I HAVE A BABY!!!!!!!! Why am I being punished? What can I do to fix whatever I am being punished for? I never get an answer and I never get a baby.
What did I do wrong?
Monday, October 11, 2010
640 and counting
I felt it was time for an update on my 1000 paper crane project.
Friday I ran out of room in my designated paper crane box where I throw the little lovies in when I finish them. I figured it was time to start stringing them all Senbazuru style. Senbazuru sets refer to making the 1000 paper cranes into 25 strands of 40 cranes. When I was finished stringing up the ones I had already made, I came up with 16 strands of 40. I have 640 cranes made, 360 more to go. I would like to thank Kelly again, she threw me way over the half way mark and gave me the boost that made me realize that this project is able to be finished and wont get the best of me.
I present to you, my 640 paper cranes......
Please forgive the crappy cell phone pictures, but I think you still get the idea.
Friday I ran out of room in my designated paper crane box where I throw the little lovies in when I finish them. I figured it was time to start stringing them all Senbazuru style. Senbazuru sets refer to making the 1000 paper cranes into 25 strands of 40 cranes. When I was finished stringing up the ones I had already made, I came up with 16 strands of 40. I have 640 cranes made, 360 more to go. I would like to thank Kelly again, she threw me way over the half way mark and gave me the boost that made me realize that this project is able to be finished and wont get the best of me.
I present to you, my 640 paper cranes......
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A box full of love, hope, and good wishes
Shortly before my husband and I left for our 1st anniversary trip I received a package in the mail. I love mail and getting things delivered to me, so often what I get is nothing more than another bill or packets of junk preapproving me ( in my maiden name) for wonderful things and ways to save myself money.
This package was different as I had noticed the return address was that of someone who is known to be one of the sweetest girls I have ever had the pleasure to talk to. I opened it ever so excitedly, as i got further into the box I started to cry.
This is what I saw
Kelly had sent me a box full of lovingly hand folded paper cranes along with a letter hoping for all of my wishes and dreams to come true.
I am so touched and humbled that someone whom I have never met but I feel I know like she is a good friend would make me such a wonderful gift of love and hope.
In a way, I feel as though many of my wishes have been granted by putting such kind and loving people in my life.
I love you Kelly, thank you for being the person you are. You touch peoples lives more than you will ever know.
This package was different as I had noticed the return address was that of someone who is known to be one of the sweetest girls I have ever had the pleasure to talk to. I opened it ever so excitedly, as i got further into the box I started to cry.
This is what I saw
Kelly had sent me a box full of lovingly hand folded paper cranes along with a letter hoping for all of my wishes and dreams to come true.
I am so touched and humbled that someone whom I have never met but I feel I know like she is a good friend would make me such a wonderful gift of love and hope.
In a way, I feel as though many of my wishes have been granted by putting such kind and loving people in my life.
I love you Kelly, thank you for being the person you are. You touch peoples lives more than you will ever know.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Denied
We lost our appeal, no IVF for us. We are looking into another round of IUI with Gonal F injections until we can figgure something else out. We are not holding out too much hope though, we have already done 3 rounds unsuccesfully.
We found out the issue was that the original doctor who made the plan is with another practice now. It was suggested to me by my nurse to try and contact her to see if through the new practice she is willing to do the procedure. I have an email out to her, but I'm not expecting miracles.
We found out the issue was that the original doctor who made the plan is with another practice now. It was suggested to me by my nurse to try and contact her to see if through the new practice she is willing to do the procedure. I have an email out to her, but I'm not expecting miracles.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Friday was Cycle Day 1
I was so excited, the day my husband and I had been waiting for had finally arrived. THE day we start our IVF cycle so that we can finally manage to be on our way to have a baby. As soon as I confirmed I got my period, I called the nurse at the center to get my instructions. When she called back I got all of my information including my dosage schedule, a suppression check appointment, and my target egg retrieval day. SO EXCITING!!
Until my world came crashing down, my heart was crushed, and my husband and I were left completely devastated. The nurse called back a couple of hours later to tell me that they cant proceed with the IVF because I am too fat. Mind you I am the same size I was when we came in for our initial center appointment, same as when I got 3 rounds of IUI's, and the same as when we sat down with the Doctor and set the IVF plan. I was never told I would not be able to get the treatment unless I lost weight. I think that it was very poor timing and handled very poorly on the part of the center to let me get my hopes up, set me up with appointments, and gave me the OK to start my medications.
We are appealing on Monday. The nurse told us not to get our hopes up because a policy is a policy and chances were very slim to none that the doctor was willing to change her mind.
Ive had a few days to calm down from my initial shock, but I am still very depressed and very angry about the way things happened. We are trying to regroup and think of our options and don't know right now what the next step is. I will update as we make decisions.
I feel the need to share something someone very intelligent told me. She gave me encouragement not to give up by reminding me that there is no known fertility issues with either my husband or I. Some people know what to say when you most need it. Thank you.
Until my world came crashing down, my heart was crushed, and my husband and I were left completely devastated. The nurse called back a couple of hours later to tell me that they cant proceed with the IVF because I am too fat. Mind you I am the same size I was when we came in for our initial center appointment, same as when I got 3 rounds of IUI's, and the same as when we sat down with the Doctor and set the IVF plan. I was never told I would not be able to get the treatment unless I lost weight. I think that it was very poor timing and handled very poorly on the part of the center to let me get my hopes up, set me up with appointments, and gave me the OK to start my medications.
We are appealing on Monday. The nurse told us not to get our hopes up because a policy is a policy and chances were very slim to none that the doctor was willing to change her mind.
Ive had a few days to calm down from my initial shock, but I am still very depressed and very angry about the way things happened. We are trying to regroup and think of our options and don't know right now what the next step is. I will update as we make decisions.
I feel the need to share something someone very intelligent told me. She gave me encouragement not to give up by reminding me that there is no known fertility issues with either my husband or I. Some people know what to say when you most need it. Thank you.
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