I think a definite sign of having a horrendous day is when you find that you've cried yourself to sleep that night. That was Tuesday. The whole day was filled with one sad thing after another. We picked up the birth certificate and death records of our babies. Something about seeing it all on paper just makes the heart break even more. Its proof.....proof they lived, and unfortunately proof that they had also died and will never be with us. Its strange that our lives, our identities, our birth, and our deaths are all contained on pieces of paper. We had also gotten their social security cards in the mail on Tuesday, they have sequential numbers. They will never use these numbers, but it was important to us that they had them. Mostly because we didn't want anyone else walking around with the numbers that should have been assigned to my babies. Like I said, all of these papers are proof. Proof that my babies counted.
Other notable sucky Tuesday happenings: the hospital bills started rolling in and it was another emotional night at counseling.
Things are slowly getting better, I do have good days sprinkled in with the bad. I find that to be a hopeful sign.
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