The day has come and gone. I wish I felt much different, but I don't. The feeling of impending doom is gone, but what remains is still the deep sadness and longing that life had turned out differently.
August 8, 2011. We awoke childless and fell asleep still childless. We aren't really childless though, we have to beautiful and perfect babies in the hereafter just waiting for us. Two beautiful and perfect babies that I ache to hold again and don't have to give up. I remember vividly (and with pain) that moment when they took Lincoln and Annaleise away for the final time and realized in that moment that I would never get to hold them again. I wish I had a few more minutes but I know that unless it was a lifetime, it never would have been "enough" time for us.
I wish I could tell you all I was better and that the passage of the due date miraculously healed us in some way, but it didn't. We are coming to realize that our lives will really never be the same.
Ugh, I remember how hard my son's due date was. But you made it through. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of you. My due date was hard, but in a way, it wasn't harder or more sad than any other day without my little boys. Hang in there.
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